Tis the Season...More Presence Than Presents
Last month I had dinner with a dear friend. He is an Art Director and was sharing some of the challenges he and his team were feeling. His company has embraced the benefits of remote work, and he spends more time with his team in Zoom-land rather than in person. Zoom-land is that magical place that allows us to stay barefoot all day while working. A place of small boxes, fuzzy backgrounds, and 2D faces. It has given many of us so much. More quality time with our families. Happier pets who peacefully slumber at our feet all day. Weekends where we no longer do loads of laundry because we can easily do it on our way to the kitchen to make a sandwich. Yes, I realize that is a very specific example, but honestly a weekend without laundry is seriously wonderful!
Like most things though, Zoom-land has a dark side. We experience intense fatigue, especially when we run the back-to-back meeting gauntlet without breaks and then rinse and repeat that pattern over weeks or months. We get annoyed when WiFi is spotty which always seems to happen at the most inopportune times. And perhaps worst of all, Zoom-land makes it very easy to tune out others. My friend was sharing how hard it was to stay connected and truly present with everyone in a Zoom-land crowded with deadlines and demands. I admired his awareness about the power of presence, and how the absence of it was starting to affect him and his team.
So let me ask you…when was the last time you felt truly seen and heard by someone at work? Or outside of work for that matter? What impact did that have on you?
I bet it was significant and made a positive difference for you. I bet you experienced the extraordinary sensation that you AND your ideas, thoughts, feelings really mattered to someone else. How powerful and addictive (in the nicest of ways) it is to feel like that.
It is a gift worth giving.
Tis the season my dear leaders! One of the best gifts you can give to your employees, co-workers, customers, not to mention your kids, your partner, friends, and yourself this holiday season (and really always) is your presence.
Being truly present for another person is the rare gift of undivided attention. It is the difference between hearing and listening, between acknowledging and deeply understanding. It is when we show up in such a way that others feel the weight of their words landing somewhere real and somewhere that matters. The space that gets created is powerful, like a force field or gravity, pulling people towards real learning and connection.
What’s more, the choice to be fully present for the people you work with makes dramatic improvements to engagement and commitment. Not to mention deeper levels of trust and respect, people feeling valued, added risk-taking, and more insights that lead to thoughtful action. Who doesn’t want more of that? Or better said, who doesn’t need more of that?
The good news is that you can give this gift to someone else pretty easily. Yes, there is some skill involved but it is also a choice. And this is the place you begin. You consciously choose.
Making that choice is important because it is often an unconscious choice to not be present. Our autopilot is doing the driving, and this is where learning stops. Specifically, I mean that our own learning as leaders stops. We become “absent” distracted by that Slack message, a text, or putting out the latest fire. We miss patterns or insights that could prove valuable. More worrisome is that over time, this type of prolonged “absence” lives next door to Ignoring and this is a dangerous neighborhood to be in as a leader. It reminds me of the work from Tom Rath and his book, “Are You Fully Charged.” What leads to the most disengaged employees? Ignoring them. It is even worse than hearing a negative comment.
So, let’s go back to that choice of being present. Do you want higher quality results from your team? Your family, friends, or partner? Experiment with amping up your presence.
Minimize notifications, close tabs, put your phone in a drawer – whatever is needed to help create a distraction-free zone.
If you are in Zoom-land:
Minimize your view of yourself. Noticing how we look while we are talking or listening can sometimes take us into our own head and out of presence.
Consider how you can encourage “camera-on” culture for your team if it’s not currently there.
Can you give yourself a few moments in between meetings? Take a deep breath and set your intention before your next interaction. I particularly like Scott Crabtree’s take on the 4-6-8 Breath . It is a great tool that can help create space for presence.
Notice and reflect. If you find yourself out of presence, ask when did I go away during that conversation? What was happening? Look for patterns. The art of noticing followed by reflection is the best way to course correct and build those presence muscles.
Remember progress and practice over perfection. Anytime you catch yourself drifting and choose to return to the present moment, that is not failing. It’s called learning and getting stronger.
Managing our presence is a leadership paradox of sorts. A small act that costs nothing but can be worth everything. This holiday season, I challenge you to start small. Identify one meeting or interaction where you commit to being fully present. Notice what changes – for you and for others. Making an intentional choice with our presence is always an invitation that conveys attention and care. What kind of invitation will you extend today?