Learning & Unlearning: Three Quotes to Inspire

Threes are everywhere. Or at least I’ve been seeing them everywhere the past few weeks. 3-point shots…March Madness was so fun to watch! 3 strikes and you are out. Welcome back, baseball. Three wishes. Three Musketeers. The Three Amigos. Three’s Company. The Rule of Three in design, storytelling, science, etc. Three Stooges. Ok, I’ll stop now. You get it. Threes are worth celebrating! And what a coincidence because Leadership Enthusiast turned 3 last week. Hooray! I feel quite proud when I look back at what I have created and what I am still creating.

Those two little words, “I am...”, carry a lot of weight. The weight of identity, purpose, intention, and action. After three years of running my own business with 1000+ hours of coaching, consulting, training, and facilitation to date, my “I am” gets stronger each day, along with my confidence to say it loud and proud.

I am an executive and leadership coach who helps people see themselves more clearly and make meaningful changes. I am a collaborator who helps individuals and teams accomplish their most important goals. I am nurturing a life that has balance and meaning which creates deeper “I am’s” that stretch way beyond work. I am an awesome teacher and facilitator of learning. Seriously, it’s a superpower and I feel most alive when I’m doing it. And above all, I am learning and unlearning constantly. For me, this is the “I am” that matters most. If it does for you too, this musing is for you.

What always hits home for me about the process of learning and unlearning is that it mostly boils down to editing. What stays and what gets cut? Where do I need to embrace new ideas and what habits, behaviors, mindsets do I need to let go of because they no longer serve me? Breathing in. Holding close new thoughts and ways of being. Big, long breath out to release those old thoughts and patterns of thinking.

If only it was that easy! Still, in whatever ways you are trying to improve, editing is how we grow.

Speaking of editing, words and language hold some of my greatest inspiration. Sometimes the right quote can move me to tears. Other times it can stop me in my tracks and trigger a new way of seeing. It never ceases to amaze me at how the different combination of just 26 letters can connect us and make us feel all the feels. Because of this, it felt fitting to celebrate Leadership Enthusiast’s third anniversary by sharing three of my favorite quotes that inspire me around the topic of learning, unlearning, and the challenge of editing.

Quote #1

The notion of editing as a way to learn and unlearn brought me memories of my dad’s nightstand when I was little. I flashed to a stack of paperback books by Louis L'amour. My dad loved them. He called them “cowboy logic” and for the longest time, I had no idea what he meant by that. Cut to some years ago when I came across this quote from The Walking Drum (altered slightly using ‘person’ instead of ‘man’ to modernize) and suddenly cowboy logic made a lot of sense: 

“Up to a point a person’s life is shaped by environment, heredity, and changes in the world about them. Then there comes a time when it lies within their grasp to shape the clay of their life into the sort of thing they wish it to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune or the quirks of fate. Everyone has the power to say, "This I am today. That I shall be tomorrow. The wish, however, must be implemented by deeds.”

That last line…the wish must be implemented by deeds…still gets me today. And it was the gut punch (in a good way) that I needed at the time. Editing what we want to learn or unlearn is a combination of deeds. An amalgam of our daily choices and actions. Or put another way, you can’t just wish a new “I am” into existence. Action matters, however small they might be, as long as they are congruent with where you want to be.

Quote #2

One of the gurus that supports all of us in implementing our deeds is James Clear. His book, Atomic Habits is a must read. He too believes in editing as a means for growth.

"Mastery is not only about getting better at your craft, but also about finding ways to eliminate the obstacles, distractions, and other annoyances that prevent you from working on your craft.

Top performers find ways to spend as much time as possible on what matters and as little time as possible on what doesn't. It is not someone else's responsibility to create the conditions for success.

You have to actively work to eliminate the things that don't matter from your workload. If you haven't figured out how to do that, you haven't mastered your craft."

A lot of my coaching clients seek mastery of their craft while balancing heavy demands on their time and energy each day. It is challenging to say the least. During our coaching conversations, we talk about boundaries. We talk about saying no. We talk about honoring commitments made to oneself. Most importantly, we experiment with solutions and strategies, because I’m sorry to say, there is not one clean formula everyone can follow to become a good editor.

Let me offer a potential bright spot though. There is a big accelerator to successfully improving your editing skills: expand your self-awareness via reflection. Look at your actions and choices and reflect deeply on both the what and the why. For example, I was working with a leader, let’s call him Joe, who was trying to shift his ‘I am’ from “I am conflict avoidant” to “I am comfortable navigating conflict”. One of Joe’s reflection questions was, “What’s behind my avoidance?” It didn’t happen overnight, but powerful answers started to emerge after healthy reflection. The clarity that followed helped him identify, edit, and eventually embody new behaviors and choices. Success! Which brings us to the last quote in our trilogy.

Quote #3

You have seen this one before, but I don’t mind repeating something that is truly great. I mean, do you know how many times I’ve watched Aliens? Too many to count, and it NEVER, EVER gets old. I feel the same about this quote by Viktor Frankl:   

“Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  

The way to capture space between stimulus and response is to notice. What does noticing look like? It is paying close attention to your behaviors, what’s happening for you internally, and acknowledging any impacts.

Let’s go back to Joe for a moment. Joe’s way of noticing was to quickly jot down notes anytime he faced conflict. Specifically, he kept a notepad nearby and scribbled notes about the situation, his behaviors, what he was feeling (sweaty palms, anxiousness, etc.), and the impact (to himself and others). After some time, important themes started showing up. Joe’s noticing helped him see things more clearly, especially how his mindset and assumptions were contributing to his avoidance. He was making the unconscious conscious, and that my friends, makes all the difference.

Another fun fact. Joe discovered that noticing alone gave way to a lot of self-correction. Viktor Frankl would be so happy.  Noticing offered Joe space for a different choice and now he is on the path to becoming a good editor. In previous musings I’ve referred to this process as a strategic pause. The pause fed Joe’s ability to edit and implement new deeds. One step at a time. Progress not perfection.

Ok, there you have it. I hope these quotes provide some inspo for your own learning, unlearning, and editing processes. What are the deeds you need to focus on? What areas in your life or work would benefit from more intentional noticing and what might you learn from that? What’s one area of life or work where you could experiment with some editing? Lots of questions here worthy of a good ponder. And I guarantee that your answers will lead to greater levels of fulfillment, a sense of accomplishment, and a host of “I am’s” that bring you deep satisfaction.